Defining Moment
by SophieSaulie
Summary: Ward had lied to Skye about his defining moment. There was more than one. One that had pushed him into darkness and another that was pulling him back to the light, but was it too late for him?
1. Chapter 1

**Defining Moment**

**Because I'm a bit of a masochist and am having a hard time coming to terms. Yet another attempt at Ward redemption.**

**I don't own Marvel Agents of SHIELD**

Ward wasn't unfamiliar with torture. Psychological and physical torture were a part of his life. It had started as a child with a sadistic older brother who had enjoyed inflicting pain and suffering for nothing as he had told Skye. Ward's only fault then was choosing to protect his little brother over the acceptance of his older one. He would sadly learn the lesson that self-preservation was all that life rewarded you with. Heroism only took you so far in life.

It was a bitter lesson, but one that would stay with him for years only to be reinforced by Garrett's credo that emotions were weaknesses.

His parents were dead. Car accident. Likely killed by his brother, but Ward would never be able to prove it. His little brother, innocent and scared, was used as a plaything by his older brother; someone to throw down a well until Ward threw down the bucket and pulled him out; someone who was used as a punching bag until Ward substituted himself to minimize the bruises and bleeding; someone who had died on Ward's watch because, in the end, he wasn't strong enough to stop it.

_"So what's yours, Agent Ward? Your defining moment?"_

That was his true defining moment; his little brother drowning in a well and he had let it happen; he had failed to save him. His first taste of unadulterated hate and what the Berserker staff had tapped into and had unveiled in 3D surround sound. Not the one that he had told Skye. He had to learn to harden himself through physical training to push his past behind him. All he had really managed to do was delay the inevitable.

As he dangled from a rope by his wrists, having been hoisted up by Hydra soldiers, some he had befriended as part of his cover, revealed as a traitor, he now considered yet another defining moment for him, maybe even more dramatic and startling than the first and likely to be the last: To find redemption in love, something he thought he was incapable of feeling and yet would now happily die to protect. It was a revelation to him. All those years of suppressing his true feelings had been a complete waste. She had broken through every wall he had put in place by her compassion and fire. Garrett's death just made it that much easier to not only feel it, but to sacrifice for it.

All he could think about was Skye and how what he was doing was protecting her; that he wouldn't let her or the others die on his watch like he had his little brother.

Coulson had given him a second chance when he thought that maybe he was better off dead because of all he had done by Garrett's orders. He could no longer rationalize his acts as just being driven by Garrett's command. He had done those heinous acts. It hadn't mattered that he had hesitated each time, questioned if what he was doing was right. In the end, he had followed through with each one.

Ward was determined not to fail the very people he should have protected in the first place again.

_"There will come a moment when you'll have to commit to this or bail. Every field agent has a defining moment…Ask Coulson...when you have to make the hard call, to either dedicate yourself to this or to curl up into a ball and run."_

This time, self-preservation was the furthest from his mind, but heroism could never be applied to him. To his mind, there was nothing heroic about him, but for Skye, he would sacrifice everything. That wasn't a hard call at all.

Ward knew that help was coming, Coulson would rescue him regardless of his past actions. He was the kind of man Ward should have taken orders from, not Garrett. Still, he also knew that it was less about his rescue than it was preventing Raina from taking over where Garrett had left off with his death. She had injected Garrett with the newly formulated serum and it had given him super strength and a madness that was even more frightening than the strength. She had told him that it was the last batch that they could make, but Ward saw in her expression that she had lied to him about that. She had challenged Ward about what kind of monster he was; was it his true nature or was it man made by Garrett? He truly didn't know what difference it made. He was a monster plain and simple. None of it mattered anymore. He had been a survivor, but at the expense of others more deserving. Not this time though. This time, he was going to die.

He spotted Raina entering the room, a sinister smile on her face that worried him. Ward knew that there was more to that smile than just relishing in torturing and then taking his life. He had wished it was that simple. A couple of the soldiers flanked her, one of them handed her a syringe and suddenly her purpose was clear to him. He then heard struggles to the left of his peripheral vision. He turned with concern and curiosity to discover with horror what it was. It was Skye. She was being restrained by two more soldiers. Ward felt rage bubbling to the surface as he tried in vain to escape his own restraints. It was the same black rage that the Berserker staff had released in him.

"You bitch!" He yelled. "Let her go!"

Raina continued her icy smile.

"It amazes me that you could still care for someone who hates you so much. Garrett was right, emotions are weaknesses and you were useful until you met her, now, I think she should see what a monster you really are."

Skye continued to resist, her own expression of rage staring Raina down.

"She already knows what kind of monster I am," he said, his voice a mixture of resignation, admission, regret and anger.

"Oh, no, she's only seen the human vulnerability; your lack of backbone and your susceptibility to suggestion. The Berserker staff revealed the true darkness that has been dormant in you and with the right stimulus how easy it was to spark that inner rage."

Raina then took the syringe and walked towards him, her guards knowing what to do, restrained Ward even further so that he couldn't avoid what was coming.

"If you think threatening Ward with some kind of super soldier juice is going to make me talk or that I'm going to beg you to spare his life, you can forget it, sister. I did that once and he tried to kill my friends. He can die for all I care," Skye yelled.

Ward didn't feel any anger or animosity towards her. Everything she had said was true and he wasn't expecting her to campaign for his life. It wasn't worth her time. He gave Skye a small smile that wasn't sarcastic or mocking and when she caught it, she found it confusing.

"And how does that make you feel, Ward? Enraged? Hateful?" Raina taunted.

Ward smiled again.

"Proud," he said as he watched Skye crinkle at him as her confusion deepened. He relished in knowing that no matter what happened to him, she had gotten past any sentimentality she had for him.

Raina just scoffed at his answer as she plunged the needle into his stomach and emptied the contents into him.

"Well, then, confirming her opinion of you will just make this moment all the more sweeter," she said her sly grin remained on her face.

Ward then began to feel the effects of the serum immediately and shock registered on his face.

"You told me that Garrett got the last dose! That there wasn't any more left!" He said as he felt the explosive rush of pain radiate through his body and groaned.

"And there isn't, but I didn't say that I didn't create something better with the formula."

Ward looked over at Skye, his expression of regret filtering through the pain. Skye saw it and was convinced it was genuine.

"I'm sorry...for everything…"

Skye didn't understand why, after all, she had no reason or proof from his past actions, but she believed him as he screamed in agony, pulling on his ropes so hard that his wrists bled from the chafing. Skye tried to keep herself from succumbing to pity as she had when Mike had stopped Ward's heart, but what was happening to him now seemed far worse.

"Don't fight it, Ward. It will make you stronger the more you let your darkness feed it just as it did the Berserker staff. Let it consume you and once you kill Skye, your conscience will belong to me and you won't possess that weakness again. If you resist, you will die a languishing and agonizing death."

Ward writhed as a bolt of searing pain cracked through his nerves, causing him to jerk free of his bonds and he fell to his hands and knees. His hands were flexing into and out of fists as if trying to find something to grapple.

"Kill her, Ward and the pain will end," Raina encouraged.

"No, no, I won't do it," Ward moaned.

"You're letting your weakness beat you again."

"I'd rather die than harm her," he said as he dropped his head to the floor, unable to find relief, feeling as if his body was separating from his mind. The sensation worried him as he wondered if that was what Garrett had felt and what had driven him to insanity. Ward feared that once that took hold, he'd lose his grip on keeping himself from harming Skye.

Skye watched Ward's suffering and all of her indignation and hatred left her. This wasn't a ruse, this was Ward resisting orders, this was Ward fighting with everything he had to prevent himself from becoming the monster that Garrett had been.

"I'm sorry too," she said.

Ward lifted his head up again to gaze at her while intermittently clenching his eyes with the searing and relentless misery. He saw her crying, shedding tears for him that he didn't deserve.

"You have nothing to be sorry for..." Ward said, struggling to breathe. "Don't waste your tears on me."

Ward then seemed to marshal whatever strength he could tap from the pain and turned his building rage towards Raina, crawling on his hands and knees over to her, trying desperately to overcome the deluge of torment riddling every cell in his body to reach her. Skye saw what he was doing and remembered what Raina had said, that killing would transform him into a monster like Garrett. She had to stop him even it meant he would die. Much as she hated Raina, she wanted to save Ward from a fate worse than death.

"No, Grant, stop. Don't kill Raina. You heard what she said, it will make you into a monster like Garrett."

Ward heard Skye's voice pleading with him not to kill someone evil to save him. It reached through his muddled mind and he focused on her words.

"Doesn't matter, Skye. I'm a lost cause. I was lost the moment I chose Garrett over you. I'm already a monster. Coulson and Trip, they can end me after I kill Raina."

"Grant, please don't do this. You're not a monster. If you kill her then that will make you no better than Garrett and you are a better man than him. He never gave you a chance, but we will. I will."

Ward saw the authentic tears in her eyes as another shock of pain rattled him and despite the almost uncontrollable need to kill Raina, Skye's voice overrode that desire and he started to back away, the intensity of the pain ratcheting up with every move.

In that moment, Coulson and the others stormed the room, Coulson grabbing Raina and Trip subduing her guards. As soon as Skye was released, she ran over to Ward who flinched at her touch.

"Don't..." Ward rasped and moaned.

"I'm sorry, am I hurting you?"

"No...I don't want to hurt you," he said, curling into himself. "The serum...I'm barely staying in control..."

"You won't hurt me, Grant. I know that, but...what I asked of you...I didn't want you to kill any more, but when you stopped, I killed you. I'm sorry," she said realizing that by preventing him from killing Raina, she had doomed him and that thought hurt her more than she had expected, more than she ever could have imagined as recently as just a few minutes ago.

Ward understood her anguish and had to absolve her. He weakly took her hand into his and brought it to his lips. She didn't pull away.

"No, Skye, you saved me...even though I didn't deserve it..." Ward said as he shook with spasms. "I can die honorably...thank you for that..."

Skye, her tears running down her face, held him close, hoping to hug him through the tremors.

"Grant..." She said, at a loss for words. She didn't know how to comfort him and she couldn't stop crying. "I don't know what to do."

He smiled, trying to hold it steady through the torture being inflicted on his body.

"You're doing it now...hold me...just like this...lie to me...just for awhile...stay with me until the end."

Skye felt her heart cracking with Ward's need for comfort, asking her to fake compassion for him so that he could die with one last fantasy of someone caring for him, but she knew she wouldn't be pretending. She did care and seeing what he had done because she had asked him, knowing it would have meant his death, she had seen the man who had always been a hero, not just acting it by Garrett's orders as he had believed.

"I feel helpless and terrible about everything that's happened."

Ward trembled and moaned.

"Don't be. I brought this on myself. Raina, she was right. I'm a monster."

"Grant, you're not a monster."

"No sense lying to myself about that now...but at least I did one thing right."

Ward held Skye as much from the pain as he needed her to know how much she meant to him, to grasp on to the only salvation he'd ever been offered in this life and to make his love for her be the last thing he felt in his life. Skye returned the embrace, stroking his shoulders and his chest. There was no pretense in her touch. She felt Ward relax slightly against her, a tangible sigh filtered through her own body.

Coulson rushed over and saw Ward's drawn features. He instinctively knew that Ward was on borrowed time.

"Trip! Help me get Ward to the sickbay!"

"No...no, it's too late for me," Ward said, grunting and trembling. "I'm barely holding it back. You're all in danger. Get Skye and yourselves to safety then end me."

Skye felt moved by Ward's pleas. He was putting their safety before his own self-preservation.

"You let me be the judge of our safety," Coulson said as he lifted one side and Trip took the other one. Ward groaned long and raggedly as they propped him on their shoulders.

"Skye..." Ward rasped.

"I'm here," she assured. "I'm not leaving you."

"I'm sorry...for everything I did to all of you..." Ward said, his body jerking with spasms.

The three of them gave each other knowing glances.

When Coulson and Trip got Ward to sick bay, a flurry of med techs surrounded him and worked on making Ward comfortable, but his body was in a frenzy of twitches complemented by groans of discomfort so it was it difficult to examine him. They were facing having to restrain him.

Skye brought the syringe that Raina had used on Ward in the hopes that they could figure out some kind of antidote. She had gone from the anger of Ward's betrayal to hoping that he would survive whatever was done to him. Her instinctive reflex to keep hope at arm's length given all of her hope robbing experiences in the past weren't kicking in this time because she had never wanted anything more in her life and for the first time she worried that not hoping enough would steal away that one thing she had wanted over everything she had hoped for in the past.

She, Coulson and Trip watched helplessly as the medical team finally had decided to restrain Ward, his moans from pain and mental anguish melded and the effects of whatever had been injected into him were indistinguishable. Trip left to secure the prisoners including Raina, but promised to return.

"He resisted killing Raina because I asked him to…" Skye said absently.

Coulson smiled.

"The only time his orders weren't about serving Garrett's agenda. It's a big break for him, Skye."

"Then why do I feel like I let him down and killed him?"

"Ward is strong. He's fighting to live because he has something and someone to live for."

"But we don't know what Raina injected into him. Who knows what it's doing to him?"

Coulson put his arm around her shoulders for comfort because it was all he could give her since he didn't have an answer to give her.

Ward writhed with struggle both to control his pain and his breathing. He strained against his restraints, understanding why they were necessary. He looked over to a corner of the sickbay and saw Fitz laying in a bed, comatosed. The sight gave him a tightness in his chest that had nothing to with what was happening to his body. What happened to Fitz was his fault and it tore at his conscience; a conscience he had abandoned in order to inflict callous disregard to the lives of people he cared about. He then spotted Simmons hovering over Fitz, the pain on her face also belonged to his cruel actions. She turned, saw him and instead of looking away, he fixed his gaze with hers and let his guilt reveal openly on his face. She saw it and started to walk over.

Ward was afraid of what she would say to him even though he knew he deserved it. When Simmons reached him, her normally shy and jovial demeanor was gone. Though she wasn't angry, there was a sadness that Ward never thought he would see in her and regretted that he had been responsible for putting it there. He was at a loss for what to say because anything he could say would just come off sounding pathetic and insincere, but he knew he would have to say something.

"He believed in you, you know, right up until you jettisoned the pod. He believed and now he's in a coma because you couldn't choose friendship over Garrett's orders. I just wanted you to know that."

Ward understood her recrimination and wouldn't diminish it by throwing excuses at her.

"You're right, Simmons. There are no words good enough to say how sorry I am. To say that I would trade places with Fitz if I could is hollow and meaningless. Even if you could forgive me, I wouldn't take it. I don't deserve it. Believe me, I know full well that I don't."

Simmons listened and she heard his honesty and remorse; his halting breaths coming through obvious suffering. She wasn't a soldier, as much as she wanted to harden herself, her sympathies still surfaced at seeing Ward being punished by whatever was inflicting his pain. Perhaps that would be enough for her. She made her way back to Fitz.

Skye went over to her and gave Simmons a hug.

"Be with Fitz. He knows you're there. He needs you," Skye encouraged realizing that seeing Ward was hurtful to Simmons. Some wounds might not ever heal, some actions might never be forgiven.

"What is he doing here?" Simmons asked curiosity more than concern in her voice.

"Raina injected some kind of variation of the serum into him. He could be dying."

Simmons listened and softened a bit as she heard Skye's voice crack with emotion.

"Are you ready to forgive him?" She asked.

"I told him not to kill Raina and because he didn't, the serum might kill him. It doesn't make up for all he's done and he knows it. He won't accept forgiveness, but yeh, I believe he deserves a second chance."

"I don't know if I can -"

"He's not expecting it, Jemma. He knows what he did to you and Fitz. He understands that nothing he can do or say can undo that and for me, it's enough to know that he does; that he fought back killing Raina. There's hope and I want to believe him. Bad."

Simmons nodded as she walked back to Fitz's side.

Suddenly, a blood curdling yell startled them both. Skye turned to see Ward groaning and grunting with pain, fighting his restraints so hard that he was moving the bed. A doctor went over and injected what Skye guessed was some kind of pain medication into Ward's IV line. It calmed Ward only infinitesimally. She saw the doctor talking to Ward and Ward nodding his head as if understanding what was being told to him. The doctor then walked over to her and Coulson, his expression grim.

"Doctor, what's happening?" Coulson asked.

"The pain is escalating and no matter what we give him it's only barely taking the edge off. We're reaching the point where soon nothing will work. When that's reached, his organs will start to fail and he will die."

The silence that seeped between the doctor, Coulson and Skye was thick with shock.

"Has anyone looked at what was in the syringe?" She asked; desperation and denial breaking her composure.

"We can't break down the formula. There's just too little of it to test."

"Skye?" Ward called out his voice raspy, weak and dry.

She went over to him and instinctively took his hand. Coulson joined her by Ward's bedside.

"Yes, yes, I'm here," she sobbed.

"It's all right. The doctor told me everything. Let me go. It doesn't mean you've lost hope, it just means I should pay for what I've done."

"No, no, we'll force Raina to give us the formula if we have to," Skye said, malice in her voice.

Ward's expression became pleading and concerned as he heard it.

"No, don't, please. I've already done enough damage. To have you, Coulson or anyone else slip into darkness by hurting Raina because of me would be worse than dying for me...I...I couldn't live knowing that you bought my life with your souls. I'm not worth that."

Ward's declaration was heartfelt and moving. His self-sacrifice was partly a remnant of the young boy who had yearned for belonging; who had sought rescue from his abusive family life only to find approval from the wrong role model. It was also an evolution from that young man who had known no other structure other than to table his emotions and blindly follow orders from a megalomaniac. He was finally making his own choices and putting others before himself because it was what he wanted. He had broken free from Garrett's prison of emotional blackmail and had let his own heart guide him for the first time, no longer second guessing by going against his true nature.

"Please, just let me go. I'm at peace with finally doing something right with my life," Ward said, his breathing laboring.

Skye was so upset that she had to run from the room. Ward looked at Coulson, his concern still evident across his strained features.

"Go after her, please...I know she's heading to Raina...protect her...convince her that it's not worth it, that I'm not worth it," Ward said, turning away to battle off more pain.

Coulson nodded solemnly as he took off after Skye. He had caught up with her just as she had reached the containment cells where Raina was being held.

"Stop, Skye!" Coulson called out.

"No, no, I have to see Raina. We have to make her save Ward!"

"You know we can't do that. Ward knows that we'd be no better than Garrett if we did. He doesn't want that for any of us. For the first time, he's making his own choices. We have to respect that, respect him."

Skye collapsed into Coulson's arms and sobbed uncontrollably. She never would have imagined that she would be so affected by what Ward had done. He had been the villain, the traitor not so long ago and though she would understand if Simmons never forgave him, she found herself unable to continue hating him as she had. Coulson was right. He had made choices that were solely his own and even though, for her, they had come too late to bring hope for a future for the two of them, she could, at least, remember him fondly and for all of the heroic things he had done for all of them. He had risked his life to change its trajectory and though it wasn't a perfect redirect, Ward had expressed to them both that he was at peace with what he was going through.

Coulson escorted Skye back to the sick bay to be by Ward, to provide any measure of comfort to him for as long as he survived. He knew that was the best they could do for him. Then, defying his own orders to Skye, he turned back to face Raina in the containment cells.

As he walked up to her cell, her mischievously sinister stare and smile greeted him.

"Well, well, Lazarus has come to visit me, I'm honored."

"You ripped into my brain. I think we can stop playing polite and cryptic games."

She tilted her head in amusement.

"Come to bargain for Ward's life?"

"No, I wouldn't diminish what he's done to sell my soul to you," Coulson said with defiance.

"Funny you should talk about souls because you and Skye share the same 'soul', if you will, with Ward by virtue of the GH-325 drug. In his case, I've enhanced it -"

"To make him a monster to do your bidding like Garrett did."

"Ward knows about Skye's origins," Raina taunted.

Coulson stiffened with the revelation.

"I once asked him about whether being a monster was his true nature or one created by Garrett. He admitted that he didn't know. I just gave him a chance to be the same kind of monster that Skye is, that the both of you are, so that he can have his chance with her."

Raina smiled at Coulson, giving him a chill.

"I'm only interested in evolution and Ward will either survive his own evolution, develop the potential that was denied Garrett or die. It's that simple."

Coulson's anger began to bubble up, his own control slipping as he listened to Raina's cavalier assessment of Ward.

"You've underestimated him. He resisted your drug, made his own decisions."

"Yes, he did. Skye awakened a weakness in him and now he'll pay for that weakness with his life."

"He's stronger than you think."

"We'll see, won't we? Sometimes death isn't an end, but a transition into something different and better. You should know that first hand. You died and yet here you are. I'm sure no one would dispute that your evolution didn't come at a cost of something else. You're the same hero as you once were before your death. Maybe Ward will become the same. I'll enjoy watching what happens."

Coulson absorbed her words and couldn't completely argue against them. Despite the assurances by Fury that he hadn't succumbed to the very side effects he had reported to him about; the irony of the full circle not lost on Coulson; he wondered and feared that there was potential yet to be tapped from him and for Skye as well which was what he had feared most. He stepped away and headed back to Ward in silence, but Raina's words were like hot breath chafing the back of his neck, raising hairs of uncertainty.

Skye sat by Ward's side, holding his hand. He had become so weak that the doctors had removed the restraints so that he could be comfortable. Though Skye was glad in one way, seeing Ward so gray with pain and internal damage, as the doctors had called it, made the definition of comfort seem inapplicable to him.

Ward was struggling to breathe, his voice, when he could speak, sounded as if he were drowning while straining up a hill, fluid filling his lungs from inflammation. It made the image of having watched him train to stay fit seem like another person. Skye couldn't stop crying as much as she wanted to be strong for him. He had moments of confusion, his thoughts muddled by the discomfort wracking his body, but lucidity would filter in and to her amazement, every time it did, he would look over at her and smile just as he was doing at that moment.

"You...don't...have to...stay," he said.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"I want to be here with you. From what I heard, when I was not doing so well, you stayed all night," Skye said, gratitude in her voice.

Ward's expression fell.

"It was my fault you were hurt...not why I stayed...but...I was responsible."

"You didn't shoot me. Quinn did," she insisted.

"Doesn't matter who pulled the trigger...I didn't stop it...I didn't stop Garrett...Looking back, I can't believe I did so many heinous things...it was like another person did them," Ward said as he arched off the bed slowly as if a wave undulated through him.

"It wasn't -" she said trying to ease his guilt.

"Please don't defend me, Skye," he said, as his breathing hitched. "I don't deserve it. You were right to despise me."

"Grant…please."

"I don't want your pity, Skye. Your hate was more honest and I deserve that. What Fitz is going through, what I did to them both...it's unforgivable on all levels."

She felt him squeeze her hand and she held on. He took in a ragged breath.

"I wanted to be a better man for you, but I failed. I'm sorry."

Skye remained silent knowing that Ward would resist any words of conciliation, but hearing him make his admissions, his confessions to his misguided choices, she now truly believed no matter what Ward said to the contrary, his recent actions for redemption made her ache for another chance for both of them, especially for him. Why must second chances sometimes come too late? She gazed into his eyes then stroked his face, hoping it would say more than any words could. She felt him sigh.

"I don't expect you to believe me and I wouldn't blame you if you're still disgusted...but I need you to know that I have never lied about my feelings for you...I don't want to die without telling you that I love you. You were the only thing in my life worth dying for. This battle, this war it can harden a person. I'm ashamed to have been a part of doing that to all of you, but if I can do just one right thing, one good thing, it's to tell you that the worst thing you can ever do is succumb to hate, to indifference, to become like me. That's what I did and it destroyed me. If you remember me in any way, Skye, please remember me as someone **not** to become."

Skye couldn't stop the tears anymore. She brought his hand up to her wet cheeks and he feebly moved his fingers to wipe some away, a trembling smile on his face.

"Grant, I…"

"You don't have to say anything. If you told me you felt anything more but contempt for me, I wouldn't believe you. Much as I want the lie, it's enough for me to have known you were my one and only truth."

Coulson had walked in just as Ward had spoken those words and it only deepened his conviction that Ward had changed, that he wasn't the insecure man turned traitor anymore. Raina had told him that Ward knew about Skye's origins and yet Coulson heard in Ward's words an address to any person's dark side, but specifically to Skye without saying it outright. Ward was telling her not to succumb to her own darkness, not because she was from alien lineage, but because any darkness such as the one within Ward could corrupt. It was a courageous and generous gift of advice and Coulson was determined to make sure Skye didn't go dark as his discovery of her past and parentage had revealed. Still, Raina's revelation to him about what her modified serum would do to Ward had been less than encouraging. His posture was bowed as if it had been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders as he walked up to his bed. Ward sensed it.

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough, sir. I want you to know I questioned my actions, I almost reconsidered my alliance to Garrett, but in the end, I didn't and I have no one to blame but myself."

"Grant, you were manipulated all your life. You're not that man anymore. I saw how you made your own choices, protecting Skye, resisting Raina's and the drug's pull. It matters," Coulson said.

Ward closed his eyes for a moment, too exhausted to disagree with Coulson because to his own mind, there was no redemption for him.

"When I touched the Berserker staff, there was a part of me that knew I was on borrowed time...that the rage it ignited and amplified would never go away and even though I was afraid of the day when I would no longer have any control, I also knew I wouldn't be able to stop it from coming."

Ward wanted the torture to end and he knew the only reason it was becoming less violent was because his body was giving in, surrendering any will it had to the whim of the drug in whatever formation Raina had created it. He had hoped it would destroy him rather than make him into someone or something much worse as Raina had threatened. Hope was a fickle mistress. It taunted and teased, but didn't promise anything. He needed reassurances.

"Sir...I need you to promise me that if this turns me into a monster, you'll end me. I don't want to live that way...I'll be in there, but I won't be able to stop myself from hurting all of you...any more than I already have."

Coulson didn't know how to answer him. He understood, but that didn't make the idea of killing Ward an easy decision.

"Please, sir," Ward pleaded when he didn't get an answer.

"It won't come to that," Coulson said unconvincingly.

Ward appreciated the confidence, but knew differently.

"If it does…"

"I'll do what needs to be done," Coulson evaded unspecifically.

Ward would have to be satisfied with that answer.

He was then seized by a piercing stab of pain ripping through his chest as if he had been impaled. He swallowed a halting intake of air, along with it, a moan then began to pant quickly. Skye held on tightly to Ward's hand as well as stroked his face with the other, her gaze firmly locked with his. It was as if she was channeling his suffering as she began to weep uncontrollably. She wanted his last sight to be of her and of her glowing love for him.

"Don't...cry...Skye...this is what I hoped for...it's better this way…" Ward said as he arched again then as he felt himself relax, he knew his tenuous hold on living was slipping and all he wanted to do was let go.

Skye found her throat choking up with her own emotional anguish.

"I...love you...I love you…I…" Ward began to chant with every last pant of breath he had in his failing lungs. He wanted his last words to be those, to have those words be the last thing Skye would hear from him.

"I love you, too, Grant," she blurted. It was spontaneous and true, but she didn't think he'd believe her.

His breathing began to slow and his body began to deflate, but as he took in breath after struggling breath, he found a way to smile.

"Thank...you...for the beautiful lie…"

Ward then went still, exhaling his last breath.

Skye crumbled with grief, her face against his chest, her muffled sobs barely contained in the warmth of his body,

It was then that a sound surprised her; a sound she shouldn't have been hearing.

A heartbeat.

Ward was still alive if barely, his heart refusing to give up, faint and weak though it was. Hope leapt into her own heart and she let it hit her full force, taking her own breath away.

"He's still alive!" She cried out. "Can a doctor help us, PLEASE? Please help him!"

**TBC. What transformation took place and is Ward the same man? Thanks for reading more to come. Still working on the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed the read.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Defining Moment**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel Agents of SHIELD**

**Thank you for all of your great and enthusiastic reviews. Hope this chapter measures up to expectations.**

**Chapter 2:**

Skye and Coulson were both riding emotional roller coasters; first, suffering immeasurable grief from seemingly losing Ward one minute only for Skye to be whipped into hysterical hope as she detected a faint heartbeat.

As Ward slipped away, uttering what she had thought were his last words, she had placed her head on his chest her arm wrapped around his stomach, yearning to feel him hold her, her grief astounding in its raw impact. She had never expected to feel such loss and it had taken every bit of strength of will she possessed not to wail. The startling reality of discovering how much she had cared for Ward, that it had taken his sacrifice to fully realize how deeply she had buried it; not when she had heard about his treachery, but long before that, when she had shared more than just that drink with him after the attack in Peru, her first mission with them.

She had wanted to know him, even disagreeing with him, seeing the world differently, as he had admitted to her, she had been drawn to him. She had watched him save them all, one way or another; Simmons in mid-air, her at Quinn's estate, even if all of that was a cover, it was still heroic. He had acted on an instinct to help people, save them at the risk of his own life. She couldn't believe **everything** had been just an act. He could have died doing any of those rescues. His reveal of his troubled past with a sadistic older brother and admitting that **it** had been his defining moment to join SHIELD touched her. It had allowed her to open up to him about her past going from foster home to foster home. His rescue at Quinn's estate had become **her** defining moment. It was then that she had wanted to become a contributing member of the team. Bad.

Watching Ward die from a merciless serum injected by Raina, hearing his confession and apology for all he had done against them, refusing to accept forgiveness from any of them, had brought all that protected emotion out in the open. His admission that his love for her had been the only real and honest thing he had felt had given her the courage to return his affections, but unfortunately, he had believed it was all a lie. When she had thought he had taken his last breath, all she had wanted was to have him back so that she could convince him that her feelings weren't a lie either.

_"Hoping for something and losing it, hurts more than never hoping for anything."_

Once again, she thought that her hope was being ripped from her, losing someone else she had grown to love.

It was in that moment when all she had wanted was to hold him and hoped that he would embrace her in return, that she had heard his heart still beating into the ear that she had pressed against his chest.

"He's still alive!" She cried out. "Can a doctor help us, PLEASE? Please help him!"

The flurry of medical personnel rushed in upon hearing her and began examining and working to save Ward. Skye and Coulson backed away as Jemma joined them, her expression of concern authentic.

"What's happening? She asked.

Skye tried to regain control to answer her coherently. She took in a few deep breaths.

"I heard his heart beating...I thought he had...but then I heard it..." Skye said as her resolve broke again.

Jemma reached out a hand and touched Skye on the arm then slowly drew her into an embrace. Skye rushed into it with a neediness that Jemma understood. Coulson could only smile at the familial gesture. Despite all the pain and suffering that he squarely placed onto Garrett's influence over Ward, the team had truly bonded and that gave him comfort.

He spied Melinda May walk in and then up to him. She surveyed all the activity in the sickbay and even her rage against Ward had softened in light of his confessions. He had even apologized to her before going undercover.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"Ward, the doctors are trying to determine his condition. Skye and I thought he'd died, but…" He said, catching his own emotions trying to leak through his defenses. "She heard a heartbeat."

May reacted in her usual nonchalant manner as if learning that Ward was still alive didn't come as a surprise, instead, as she watched the doctors work to keep him alive, she became pensive.

"Ward actually apologized to me just before he went undercover to root out Raina."

It was Coulson's turn not to act surprised at that moment. Ward had volunteered to maintain his deep cover after Garrett had been killed. Though May's beating had been appropriately severe from a personal level, it had inadvertently created the perfect ruse to convince Garrett's other soldiers that Ward was still considered a traitor, a member of Hydra.

"He told me that he deserved the pummeling I gave him, that he wouldn't blame me for never trusting him again and that he was sorry for thinking the worst of me when he had done the most heinous things to all of us. He also told me that the two of you were initiating a covert ops to capture Raina. He trusted me with that information even though all I wanted to do then was hurt him even more. Something in his voice, the way he said things made me listen to him. It was like he was..."

"Owning up to his mistakes," Coulson said almost dreamily. "Maybe in case something happened to him."

"Clearing his conscience," May added, continuing the thought, relating to it in many ways.

"More to come to terms with what he did, I think and to let people know that he felt guilty about what he'd done," Coulson added as well. "The only people he couldn't own up to were -"

"Fitz and Simmons," May said, finishing Coulson's thought, her expression revealed her own regret. "Sometimes, you just have to live with things you can't ever change no matter how much you want to take it back."

Coulson glanced at May and knew full well she understood all about lost opportunities. They both did. The longer you did the work, the likelihood of someone dying or something going horribly south on your watch became inevitable. Ward's situation was unique; his guilt would be harder to overcome because he had inflicted the suffering by his own hand though Coulson would defend the fact that in many ways, it wasn't of Ward's free will. Still, no matter how repentant Ward tried to be, his actions on Fitz and Simmons would be a constant reminder if he remained on the team, especially if Fitz never recovered. It was why Coulson believed Ward volunteered to go undercover. He was seeking redemption and maybe accepted that dying was a small price to pay for all he had done.

"We both can relate to that," Coulson said thinking of how Ward was suffering the consequences at that moment.

May nodded.

The doctors dispersed from around Ward. They had placed monitoring leads on his chest to observe his heart rate and depressingly for the others a ventilator had been inserted to help Ward breathe. The reveal as the doctors parted made Skye feel weak and she thought she was going to pass out, but Jemma braced her, having already experienced her own shock when they had performed the same procedure on Fitz. The almost identical state of both men was daunting to everyone gathered.

The reunion was bittersweet at best.

Coulson, feeling the responsibility of being the commander of this ragtag team, approached the doctor.

"So what's the prognosis, doctor?"

"I'm afraid it's not good. Though Agent Ward's heart is beating and for now, it's a stable and strong sinus rhythm, his lungs are becoming slowly compromised with fluid. We're going to do all we can to make him comfortable, but it's only a matter of time. Frankly, we're amazed he's managed to survive this long."

Jemma and Skye clung to each other as women who shared a common sadness.

Coulson and May shared a glance of common experience; understanding the weight of the responsibility of having other lives in their care all too well.

Ward and Fitz were silent partners in an unpredictable future. Tragically, one man had caused the other's situation, but cruel fate had responded in kind and had equalized the universe by punishing Ward with the same bleak imprisonment.

No one was celebrating the cosmic revenge.

But then, a few hours later something happened to Ward that could only be ascribed to a miraculous intervention or to a sinister side effect of the serum. He began healing.

Ward's condition started to improve inexplicably and drastically. Nothing medical could be attributed to his recovery and yet it was occurring at an accelerated rate. His lungs drained their fluid, allowing the doctors to remove the ventilator; his organs were repairing; his heart was beating stronger and then one night, as Skye slept next to Ward as she had done ever since he had been taken to the sickbay; her head resting on his bed, her hand ever grasping his hand, she felt that same hand suddenly envelope hers. She didn't notice at first, but his hand then twitched again and squeezed hers with even more vigor. She awoke groggily in the beginning, looking up, lifting her head up from the bed and the shock of what she saw wiped all sleep from her eyes.

Ward was awake looking back at her.

"Grant!" She said as she darted up from the chair she was sitting in to take a closer look, fearing she had imagined everything.

"Skye...what happened? I thought I died," he rasped.

Everyone had gathered back to the sickbay. It had become a grim routine with two of their own fighting to stay alive. The only one who wasn't joining in was Jemma. Fitz was the same, no worse, but unlike Ward, he hadn't come out of his coma and wasn't any closer to doing that. Everyone understood that Jemma couldn't celebrate Ward's accelerated recovery at Fitz's expense.

Ward's progression was both hailed as miraculous, but was also greeted with the proper suspicion, Ward being the chief skeptic, remembering what Raina had threatened. Coulson was not far behind, but he was able to temper his suspicion, needing to allow for some hope to filter in.

Ward was improving so rapidly that in the few hours that had passed as doctors took blood samples to test as well as poking and prodding him, he was able to sit up and felt ready to walk. Skye had caught his furtive glance at Fitz and Jemma's dutiful watch over him, knowing that she had wished the same recovery for him, knowing it would probably not come. Perhaps she was cursing that someone evil like Ward had been given a second chance at life and someone as good as Fitz, who had believed in Ward and who had been put into the darkness he was in by Ward, was probably lost forever. Ward couldn't blame her. He didn't think it was fair either, but he also knew that what was happening to him wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"You know what this is, don't you? Raina's version of the serum is doing this. I can't be trusted. You don't know what's happening to me or going to happen to me. I don't know what's happening to me. Protocol says that I have to be contained. I'm as good as a 0-8-4. I can't put all of you in danger," Ward said as he glanced at Fitz one more time. "Not again."

"I don't care. You're not dead," Skye declared.

Watching the relief on her face, Ward let himself fleetingly enjoy the moment of seeing Skye free from worry and tears which was his last memory of her, that and telling her that he loved her, hearing her declare the same, but he knew it was just her compassionate nature giving him what he needed to hear on his death bed. She would deny it now and he wouldn't hold her to it.

"Well, I do care. All of you can't let your humanity blind you to the fact that nothing good can come from my resurrection, if you can call it that. I'm more like Frankenstein's monster..." Ward insisted. "I saw what it did to Garrett. With whatever Raina did to it, it can't be good."

Suddenly, Ward felt a wave of some kind of energy he couldn't identify envelope him. It was an overwhelming sensation of being blanketed by warmth, love. How he knew that, he didn't know, but it was like his body was "translating" what was coming through it. It wasn't unpleasant, but it was both disorienting as well as welcoming. As if by some kind of instinct, the sensation seemed to be governing his actions and he felt it directing him towards Fitz. He looked over at him and instead of seeing the comatose Fitz, he saw a transparent, ghostly visage of Fitz, looking at Jemma and smiling. He then turned to look at Ward and Ward understood what he had wanted. It was as if they were communicating telepathically, words being superfluous.

Ward felt the compulsion to walk over to Fitz. It was an uncontrollable pull and one he knew wasn't completely of his own volition, but unlike his statement fearing that he would be turned into some kind of monster by the serum, the need to go to Fitz didn't feel filled with malevolent purpose. Coulson and the others watched with caution as Ward approached Fitz and Jemma. She bolted from her chair and stepped in front of Fitz protectively. Ward understood and raised his hands to placate her.

"Simmons, I know you have no reason to trust me and I don't blame you, but I promise you I won't hurt Fitz, in fact, I'm telling May right now that if I do anything that she feels is putting Fitz's life at risk, she should subdue me. I'm even giving her permission to end me. I trust her to know which will be necessary," Ward said as he gave May a nod that communicated his implicit trust and permission. "As crazy as it sounds and don't ask me how I know, I feel like I can help him."

Jemma saw the sincerity in Ward's eyes and relaxed a little.

"You once told me that you'd catch me if I fell. I didn't say so then but I trusted that you would. You gave me the confidence I needed in that moment. It made your treachery all the more painful for me and to watch Fitz plead with you with his belief in your inherent goodness only to have you destroy it just made what you did all the more heinous."

"I know and I meant what I said, I would never ask for your forgiveness for what I did. I've done too much harm, but something with the serum in my blood is drawing me to connect with Fitz. It's almost like a force I can't resist. If you can find it in you to trust me this one time, this last time if you want, I think I can help him."

Jemma nodded, hesitantly moved away, but stayed close enough to step in if needed. It was her responsibility to protect Fitz now.

Ward nodded his thanks for her trust however momentary. He walked up to Fitz's body, his apparition beside him, encouraging Ward as he felt energy from within him that he knew he had to expend into Fitz's body. Ward laid his hands on Fitz's chest, closed his eyes and a burst of pain hit him as he let the powerful wave leave him and towards Fitz. Immediately, there was a force field emanating from his hands that covered Fitz. It changed colors as it was absorbed slowly into Fitz's body. Fitz then jerked awake and started choking on his ventilator. The doctors, at first stunned by what they were witnessing, composed themselves and rushed over to help him.

Once the force field was gone, Ward collapsed to his knees, weakened and drained, breathing heavily. Skye ran over to him and felt an eerie sense of déjà vu and she didn't like it. She couldn't lose Ward again. She didn't think she could survive it.

"Grant!" She yelled as she held him again. "Oh God, please don't leave me again. I can't go through it again."

Ward felt his strength regaining and he looked over to see the doctors removing Fitz's ventilator. He was breathing on his own. Jemma was overjoyed and held his hand to reassure him. It gave Ward renewed energy to watch them become reunited after he had almost destroyed them with his callous act. Jemma then turned around to look at Ward, gratitude beaming on her face, along with tears. Skye helped Ward up to his feet as they both stood by Fitz's bedside.

"How did you do that?" Jemma asked.

"I don't know," Ward answered. "There was a powerful force compelling me as if knowing what needed to be done and I was just a conduit. I let it use me."

The doctors had removed the ventilator and were amazed that despite being in a coma for days, Fitz had acted as if nothing had happened to him. He sat up slightly and instead of the feeling of betrayal and disillusionment he had felt about Ward in the pod, he felt astonishment and gratitude.

Ward saw the surprise on Fitz's face and returned it with one of his own. Still, he had unfinished business with Fitz that he had to accomplish.

"Fitz, I need you to know how sorry I am for what I did to you and Jemma. I offer no excuses to defend what I did and don't expect forgiveness. I'm sorry I took your trust and belief away in the brutal way that I did to both of you."

Fitz felt the sincerity of Ward's confession but what had shocked him was what he had discovered in the moment they had connected in what he had thought was a dream, but it hadn't been a dream at all. He was a scientist and the metaphysical had no place in his work or his life, but there was no other explanation he had for how he had emerged from his comatose state.

"I saw you, saw what you did in what I thought was a dream, but it wasn't a dream, was it? I was standing next to you and saw you lay your hands on me. I saw it all. You healed me. I don't know how, but I believe sitting here I'm proof of what I saw."

Ward nodded.

"I saw it too, but I take no credit for it. Something else was controlling me, but I won't refuse what it offered to me because it brought you back."

"No, Grant, whatever you did, didn't come from something else. I believe in what I saw and more importantly what I felt even though I have no empirical evidence to offer for how I know it, but it was your soul. I felt it heal me."

"I can't believe that, Fitz. I'm not a good man. I have no soul."

It hurt Skye to hear Ward belittle himself but she understood why it was there, not just because of all he had done under Garrett's Svengali influence, but for all the years he had been bullied by his sadistic brother, fighting to survive. He had finally come to the revelation of all he had done and all he had wanted to do was redeem himself. And despite Ward's certainty that the serum would eventually transform him into the monster he believed he was, that Raina had threatened was his true nature, Skye had seen and believed in something else. She believed the serum was amplifying Ward's redemptive soul just as it had amplified Garrett's corruptive one. What Fitz was relating wasn't all that far fetched to her.

"Ward, I'm not one given to senseless hyperbole. I know you saw it too. Now, I know I need some catching up to do here, but this much I know, you saved my life and I'm grateful to you."

Ward shook his head unable to accept the gesture even though he was glad that whatever it was that overpowered him did bring Fitz out of his coma. The joy on both their faces was worth it.

"Grant, I believe Fitz is right. It makes sense. Why would a serum that you believe will turn you into a monster drive you to heal and save Fitz? Yes, maybe that's what Raina wants you to believe that you're a monster, but what if it's because we only have Garrett as an example? What if the serum isn't about creating monsters, but about evolving from the true nature of a person? Garrett was a megalomaniac so it made HIM a monster, but Grant, you were trying to redeem yourself before Raina gave you the serum. Why not believe that it took that and made you a healer?" Skye hypothesized.

"I love how you see the world, Skye, but that's not my true nature. It never has been. I'm a killer and when I wasn't that, I was a soldier who blindly took orders without questioning who he was hurting. I don't know how to heal. I just know how to cause pain. Whatever is in me will undo me eventually as it should, but I don't want to undo the rest of you in my wake like I almost did before," he said as he cupped her cheek.

"Why can't you forgive yourself? We all have."

Ward's eyes began to well with tears.

"Because I saw something else when I healed Fitz. I saw a replay of everything and everyone I let down or let die. The first among them, my little brother," Ward said choking back his emotions, but failing. "I didn't save him, Skye. That was my true defining moment and I can never forgive myself for that. Never. I've suppressed it all these years, but it haunts me and it will always haunt me."

Ward turned his attention back to Fitz and Jemma, his posture riddled with guilt and remorse.

"And I will never forgive myself for what I did to you, but bringing Fitz back at least undoes one wrong of many and I'm glad of that."

Ward then walked away.

"Grant!" Skye called out to him, but Coulson stopped her from going after him.

"Let me talk to him. I think that as someone who died and was brought back to life too can probably relate a little."

She nodded and let Coulson go after Ward instead. Jemma then came up to her and hugged her.

"Ward will be fine. We'll all make sure he knows he isn't alone."

"I hope it's enough for him."

Ward sat in the waiting room of sickbay, needing to collect his thoughts on everything that had just happened. Coulson came in and sat next to him.

"Look, I know you don't need to hear a pep talk so I'll spare you, but I can't let you take the blame for your past when you've been given a gift. Life. I did the same thing, you know. I got so tangled up in the why I lived, why Fury put me through what he did to save me. I asked him why, why did he do it. I told him the drug was for the Avengers not me and do you know what he said?"

Ward shook his head.

"That I deserved to be saved as much as an Avenger and I'm now telling you the same thing. I believe you do too, whether you think you do or not and whether you want to believe it or not."

Ward was humbled by Coulson's revelation and credit.

"I know you think that whatever Raina did to it will turn you into a monster, but I believe that if that was the case, you'd already be that monster, instead you channeled whatever power it gave you into saving Fitz and before you tell me that it was out of guilt and obligation, making both those things sound less worthy than doing it from some other noble gesture, I'm here to tell you, Ward, that those **are** noble reasons and if they drive you to change your future then that's all any one of us can hope for. I've seen your intentions and that's good enough for me."

Ward straightened, his face reflecting humility. Coulson then lifted the hand that had the very same restraining bracelet that Skye had worn and that he had put on Ward when he had embedded him back into Garrett's enclave of soldiers including Raina.

"Disengage bracelet," he said and like with Skye, it opened easily and Coulson took possession of it and pocketed it.

Ward watched with grateful awe at the trust that doing that implied to him and inwardly he vowed that he would never violate that trust again. He found his moral compass shifting and it was pointing him to the only direction that meant anything to him, that he should have never have questioned.

"Raina told me you know about Skye's parents, but clearly, that doesn't matter to you and frankly, to me, **that's** your noble gesture. You, Skye and I are bonded by the drug and let me tell you, seeing what you were able to overcome, I have hope that Skye and I have a chance at not becoming a victim of it as well, that we'll have a different outcome too, but Grant, she needs you, present and fighting, not wallowing in a past you can never change. Forgive yourself. In my opinion, **this** is your defining moment. Think about it."

Coulson then walked away to give Ward time to think. He spotted Skye hovering to the side, her desire to help and be with Ward irresistible. Coulson nodded as he passed her.

Skye sat next to Ward, grasped his hand in hers and she felt it squeeze back.

"Thanks," Ward said.

"For what?"

"For forgiving me," he said. "For having faith in me."

"Grant, you have to stop -"

"It's not just about forgiving myself, Skye. It's about having the courage, the faith to believe that there are people who believe in me."

"You have that, Grant. From all of us."

Grant looked into her eyes, tears welling up again in his seeing the love in hers; love that was given to him, love that he never thought he could ever find and it wasn't just about her love. It was also about the power of the friendships that had been bestowed upon on him by the others and which he had destroyed with his misguidedly horrific acts of betrayal. Those friendships were being entrusted to him again and rising like a phoenix from the ashes. He would make everything up to them. He would work even harder to make sure they never questioned his commitment ever again.

"It's not easy for me to accept, Skye. All my life has been about keeping my distance, not to become attached...that emotion was a weakness. I understood how much you wanted your foster family to like you...I wanted that too from my own family," Ward confessed.

"I'm sorry I didn't see that we shared something in common back then."

"Don't be, I didn't tell you to make you feel sorry for me. It was the first defining moment of my life and it just hardened me to any relationships."

Skye wrapped her other hand around his to reassure him that he had reached her.

"My defining moment was when you saved me from Quinn."

He flinched.

"Not when it mattered."

"Grant, I put myself in that dangerous situation. I was foolish. You had no way of knowing Garrett was going to make Quinn shoot me. You didn't shoot me. That is not on you," she said, trying to convince him that she didn't blame him. "No, it was when I thought I was going to die and I saw you fight off all those men. I knew in that moment that I wanted to be a field agent.

"When Coulson told me that SHIELD agents had died protecting me, I knew for the first time that SHIELD was the family I had always wanted and it still is protecting me," she said with a smile directed at him. "I belong here. You do too. We belong together."

Ward had never thought he could feel such belonging, such love. The revelations continued to humble him. Maybe it wasn't too late for him, as he pondered a possibility that he had never dared to hope for. He would happily die for every one of them; in many ways that hadn't changed. When he had jumped out of the bus to save Jemma, he knew he could die, but he didn't care. He was truly trying to save her for no other agenda than she needed saving.

"Just like I told you that I was trained to be the whole solution, expendable because the mission always came first, I had to find a way to break that way of thinking, to be a part of something bigger, something better, that 1% you talked about. I'm also not used to being cared about, let alone relied upon for anything other than as a weapon. I let Garrett control me because he treated me the way I believed I deserved to be treated; the only way that I had been treated all my life."

Skye's empathy was only growing stronger hearing Ward make his admissions.

"Well, you are cared about. You deserve more than what Garrett gave you. I saw your compassion so many times, Grant. You called them strategic, but you cared and I care about you."

"I don't understand how you can after all I've done, the people I killed. I can't trust it, not because I don't trust you or believe you, but because it doesn't make sense to me. I'd die for you, but..."

"Grant, I don't want you to die for me. I want you to live for me."

Ward looked over at Skye and marveled at how lucky he was to have been given a second chance with Skye, at making things right with everyone he had betrayed. He leaned in towards Skye, cupped her cheek, let his gaze wander lovingly across her face before they settled comfortably upon the glistening pools that projected back love; love for him. It astonished him at how much he loved her. There was no holding it back. He had suppressed his then growing affection for her; Garrett even belittled it out of him long enough for him to follow his orders, but no matter how hard he tried, every time he looked at her, the feelings would come rushing back in a wave.

Now as he leaned in closer and closer to kiss her, he was doing it as Grant Ward, the man, not the conditioned soldier on a mission. Their lips touched, sweetly tentative, at first, something he was doing purposely, giving Skye time to retract. When she didn't and began pressing back with her own affection, Ward allowed himself to feel desire that wasn't fueled by stress relieving, non-committal sex as it had been with May. They had been wounded people who understood each other's pain. Skye renewed and healed his pain by her generosity. When they parted, she smiled.

"I really do love you, Grant. That's not an act."

Ward sighed and smiled.

"I know you're not lying to me, I can see it in your eyes. I would never expect you to believe me. I've told so many lies, but what I said was true, my feelings for you were always real and honest. I doubted how I felt. I didn't think I was capable of feeling anything or had suppressed them so long that I wouldn't know how to feel anything anymore, but hearing your hopeful view of the world, of people, it made me change the way I thought about things. You've given me hope, Skye, hope that I never really had in my entire life."

Just as Ward was leaning in to kiss her again, alarms began to blare and they both heard running feet heading towards them. Coulson stopped in front of them as Fitz, Simmons and May ran past.

"What is it? What's happened?" Ward asked, the honed operative training in him kicking in.

Then before Coulson could answer, Ward dropped to his knees in pain, placing his hands on his head, clenching his eyes closed and moaning.

"Grant! What's wrong?" Skye said as she joined him on her own knees, stroking his back in what she knew was vain comfort, but needing to try to give some measure of it.

Grant then lifted his head up, shock on his face.

"I see it...the Gravitonium...it's alive…"

**TBC. Thanks for reading. I hope you're enjoying the story. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it. More action to come. Hint, perhaps Garrett wasn't the only one who could see the universe.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Defining Moment**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel Agents of SHIELD**

**"And the world will be better for this, that one man, scorned and covered with scars, still strove with his last ounce of courage, to fight the unbeatable foe, to reach the unreachable star." - Impossible Dream from The Man from LaMancha**

**Chapter 3:**

Alarms began to blare and Skye and Ward had heard running feet heading towards them. Coulson stopped in front of them as Fitz, Simmons and May ran past.

Suddenly, Ward dropped to his knees in pain, placing his hands on his head, clenching his eyes closed and moaning.

"Grant! What's wrong?" Skye said as she joined him on her own knees, stroking his back in what she knew was vain comfort, but needing to try to give some measure of it.

Grant then lifted his head up, shock on his face.

"I see it...the Gravitonium...it's alive…"

"What?" Coulson asked, his expression one of grave concern, remembering how close they had come to destruction by Dr. Franklin Hall only for Coulson to destroy him instead, a decision that still haunted him. Ward wasn't alone when it came to seeking redemption for hard decisions that cost people's lives. Coulson had his fair share of regrets and they were piling up.

"I need to go there," Ward said, his voice strained.

"No, no, you don't," Skye said. " Let Fitz and Simmons figure out what to do. It's more their thing anyway -"

"No, it's not...not this time...I know what to do. Help me up," Ward said trying to stand, having difficulty, but Coulson helping him up.

"How can you possibly know what to do with the Gravitonium?" Skye asked, her concern rising, feeling Ward's determination deep into her own body.

She knew that he wouldn't be dissuaded from his mission; that was in Ward's DNA long before he had arrived as a member of their team. His training to be the whole solution was kicking back in, but this time it wasn't from pride or arrogance, it was from necessity.

"I just do. I feel it. We have to hurry or it's going to destroy all of us," Ward insisted as he began to run towards where Garrett had been storing it; fighting back the pain that was threading through his body. He was trying to employ the mental controls that he had been trained to initiate so that he could withstand it under combat situations. This new "power" was taxing and testing his limits.

Ward had remembered how Garrett and Raina had coveted the Gravitonium as if it held the answers to the Universe's secrets. He didn't know if by being in close proximity to it if he would be similarly affected; that he would suddenly see the same vision; experience the same rapture that Garrett had, but he hoped that whatever did happen it wouldn't hold sway over what he knew he needed to do. He worried about this newfound "power" from Raina's adulterated serum because it wasn't predictable in any way where he could apply anything from his training to take charge of the situations it was leading him towards.

Everything in his life had been about control, though now he realized that he hadn't controlled anything in his life. His parents, his older brother, and Garrett, they had all manipulated him and in similar ways especially his need for belonging; holding love and acceptance hostage until he measured up to their expectations. The serum was doing the same thing, pulling him toward situations as if he was a trained animal. He didn't feel in any more control at that moment than he had in his whole life. He was back to following orders, this time from an unknown source. The only difference was the feelings he was experiencing. In the past, he had always felt insecurity or uncertainty when not directed by someone. Now, he felt empowered with a profound empathy, a certainty that what he was doing was helping not hurting anyone, and most important, he wasn't afraid to die and this time for the right reasons.

He had known that death was possible when he was deployed on any mission, but he was almost oblivious to that fact when in the midst of a mission; completing each mission he had been sent on, what he was doing by virtue of following orders from Garrett was more important than his own life. In examining it now, he was shocked at how ridiculously compliant he was, that he had valued his life so cheaply. He had actually thanked Garrett for ordering him to get Skye. It was as if the serum was now making him see how pathetic he had been.

As a soldier and covert operative, he was trained to be suspicious of anything unknown that couldn't be explained rationally and yet there he was chasing after the threat of the Gravitonium based on nothing more than a driving force he couldn't explain.

Garrett's recommendation of Ward for recruitment into Coulson's team, having Coulson's implicit trust from years of battle together, had made Ward's embedding seamless if a bit incongruous for him especially after he had learned that Melinda May was also a member; her moniker as the Cavalry saying more than anything her "resume" would have revealed. He questioned both Garrett's and Coulson's intentions with him even though Garrett's darker intent of having him placed there was a lot clearer by virtue of simpler command decisions.

Ward had never intended to become close to any of Coulson's team. He thought he was just doing a job, but interacting with all of them; witnessing Coulson's commitment to good, having died saving the world from evil, to Skye's wide-eyed hopeful view of the world; that every member of the human race could play an important part in improving the world had chipped away at his hardened facade as well as his well-constructed cover. Skye had completely melted his ice-cold practicality and when she was dying by Quinn's hand, decreed by Garrett's orders, he felt a fissure of doubt develop about his allegiance to Garrett that he had never thought he would question.

Now, as he ran towards the Gravitonium, his determination was all about saving not only the lives of the people he had bonded with as a team, but the world as well.

When they had caught up to the Gravitonium, everyone looked at the undulating mass in front of them and none of them was spared the feeling of the sheer gravity of the situation. Coulson, Skye and Ward experienced a bit of deja-vu as the last time they saw it, Dr. Franklin Hall had been dropped into the core by Coulson as a catalyst to stabilize it. Coulson had regretted the decision because he hadn't disagreed with Hall's logic, but he had to save his team and sometimes those were the hard calls that he had understood had to be made even though it would haunt him. He chose to sacrifice one man's life for the lives of the many, both his team and the millions that Hall was trying to justify saving.

Fitz and Simmons both gazed at it with scientific awe at the growth it had achieved from the smaller version they had discovered on the road where it had flipped the semi. Fitz had his hand-held device recording all of the data emanating from the element and the fear and shock on his face told everyone of how critical the situation was becoming.

"Fitz, so what do we need to do?" Coulson asked.

Before Fitz could answer, Ward already knew what needed to be done. His conclusion had nothing to do with any kind of scientific analysis, it had come from within him.

"We have to do exactly what we did at Quinn's estate. We have to introduce another catalyst. Dr. Hill can no longer control the Gravitonium to keep it stable. He's growing weaker. I feel him struggling."

All of them listened to Ward's words and took in his declaration with a different kind of awe.

"I know what I have to do," he said calmly resigned to the task ahead.

Skye was the first to come to the realization of what Ward was suggesting and she felt her hysteria blossom.

"No, no, you can't do what I know you're thinking of doing. Look what it did to Dr. Hill! And you just said it yourself, it's killing him!"

"We have no other choice. I can release him from it and stabilize it."

"No, no, I can't lose you again," Skye said, renewed tears streamed from her eyes.

Ward cupped her cheek and wiped her tears away. He smiled lovingly at her.

"I don't want to leave you either, but if I don't do this, all of you will die and I just can't let that happen; not after everything you've forgiven me for, not after knowing that you believed me when I told you that I loved you. I can't do nothing and let it kill us all."

"Fitz and Simmons -"

"Don't have time to find a solution, not at the rate the Gravitonium is accelerating. Now, I have to hurry," he said as he smiled softly. "This is one time when I have to be the whole solution."

Ward then held her face gently in both of his hands and brought her lips to his. He savored the soft surrender she offered him and vowed to himself that he would never forget it; that he would carry the love he felt for her to whatever awaited him as he became one with the Gravitonium.

When they parted, he let her go slowly to linger in that moment because it would be his last with her. He let his left hand graze along her shoulder, down her arm, then her palm and lastly her fingers, taking one last grasp before letting go completely.

"Please don't do this," she uttered, clinging to him in desperation as she felt Ward pull away and Coulson gently hold her back from following him.

Ward could only smile wordlessly as he continued walking away from her, at first. backwards to drink in one more last look at her. He knew that if he stopped, even for a second, he might lose his resolve and he couldn't do that. He had to remind himself that staying would be selfish; putting his needs before their lives. He wasn't that man anymore.

Skye knew that no amount of pleading would change Ward's mind. He was the proverbial man on a mission and wouldn't be convinced to abandon it, not even for her. Other lives were at stake including hers and he wouldn't shy away from the responsibility of preventing the Gravitonium from exploding.

Coulson watched Ward first nod in gratitude for restraining Skye then turn to face the metallic mass in front of him. Coulson had been stoically silent, letting Ward guide his own destiny without his intervention. This wasn't the time to be giving orders. Coulson knew the implications. He had been through this before and his command decision that day had cost a life. This time, as much as it pained him to let Ward sacrifice himself, to be helpless to convince him otherwise, he knew that Ward had accepted the consequences and seeing the courage that he had always known Ward had possessed in abundance made him proud.

Ward felt no fear of death. He felt a peace wash over his body as he stepped closer and closer to the element. He placed his hand into it, stiffened and hissed briefly at the shock of the searing burn of the metallic molecules on his skin, but he didn't let it slow his progress. He reached further into it, felt Dr. Hill grab his hand from within and he let himself get pulled in deeper. There was no malice in Dr. Hill's grasp, no attempt at wanting to harm Ward. It was desperation, a need to be rescued and Ward was willing and able to do that for him. More and more of him became enveloped by the element as he strode further and further into it. He heard Skye's sobs and the anguish in her tears and he felt his heart cleave in two with the one regret he had because of his choice; leaving her in such pain. He had to keep on reminding himself that he was doing this for her as well as for the others.

When his body finally disappeared into the abyss, he was face-to-face with Dr. Hill and in that moment, they shared the same space within the Gravitonium.

"Why are you doing this?" Hill asked with as much gratitude as questioning Ward's decision. "You'll die."

"I know," Ward said, a small smile of gratification curled at his lips. "And you'll live. You've done enough for the world."

Hill stood shocked at the calm acceptance he felt from Ward.

"The only thing I want from you is for you to promise me that when you leave, you won't hold a grudge against Coulson for his choice. He made a hard call," Ward said. "It haunts him."

Hills nodded in understanding.

"I know that. He and I weren't in disagreement. I had accepted my death, but couldn't overcome my selfish need to destroy Quinn along with stopping the Gravitonium. To my mind, taking other lives, your lives, was necessary collateral damage."

It was Ward's turn to nod.

"Coulson is a good man; the best of men, in my view, but I'm not and in retrospect, I wished that you had taken Quinn that day. Still, it would have also taken the woman I love. Quinn nearly killed Skye again later based on the orders of a megalomaniac and I couldn't stop it. I blame myself for that mistake in judgement, but also I can't regret it because she survived. She taught me what real courage of conviction is about. She is the strongest person I have ever met. I'm doing this so she can still live, along with people I respect. I learned too late that love is everything. Finding her, finding love is my one true defining moment."

Hill listened with apt respect, hearing Ward's tribute to the woman he loved. They were then jarred from within the element. Time was running out yet Hill took a moment to marvel in the selflessness he had seen in Ward's eyes.

"You have to go now," Ward said with serene assertion. "The element can't stabilize with both of us in it."

"How can you know that?" Hill asked. "Are you a scientist?"

"No, just a man." Ward said. "A flawed man seeking redemption for the pain I've caused."

Ward felt his body tremble with excruciating pain as it began to conjoin with the element.

"Tell Skye I'll always love her."

Ward mustered all the strength he had left and shoved Hill out of the element.

The oozing fluid began to swiftly enter into his body, coating and filling his cells, becoming one with his blood and flowing freely within him. The pain was white hot, but he knew he had to relax and let it take him over. It was the only way to stop it from exploding. He breathed in the fluid like air into his lungs, but it didn't drown him. Instead, he felt something else. He wasn't a scientist, but he knew it was osmosis. Not only was Ward absorbing the element into him, into the components of his body but without any logical way to explain how he knew it, he knew that his soul; the essence of who Grant Ward was; was becoming one with the Gravitonium as well. A hint of fear grappled him as he wondered if the evil he had done would fuel the Gravitonium as opposed to diffusing it. A shock of pain riveted into his brain and down into his chest, forcing him to drop to his knees. Images played out like a rapidly moving slide show. Was this the cliched "life flashing before his eyes"? He wondered. If it was, he was convinved that he would only see a life to be ashamed of and disappointed by. Instead, though, something much more shocking appeared as an apparition in front of him.

His baby brother. The brother he had let get tortured; that he had tortured to escape the wrath of his older brother; the innocent brother whose only misfortune was to be born into a family of psychopaths; the brother he had let die.

"Tommy?" Ward cried out, his emotions no longer dammed up behind years of carefully crafted controls. They were gone, all inhibitions released.

Ward found it appropriate that he had been driven to his knees in front of Tommy. He needed to beg for his forgiveness even though it wasn't really Tommy. That opportunity had passed years ago.

"I'm sorry, Tommy. I'm so sorry. I failed you. I let you die because I wasn't strong enough to fight for you, to save you."

Ward was sobbing, purging the aching loss and failure of choosing his own survival over his little brother's.

Suddenly he saw two little knees bend down in front of his downcast eyes; small hands touched his face and lifted his chin up. Ward had never been so afraid of facing his little brother; to see the betrayal in his uncorrupted eyes boring into his with recrimination. Instead, as he faced Tommy, when their eyes met, Ward saw forgiveness there, felt it hit his chest full-on.

"It wasn't your fault, Grant. You were little too."

"No, it was, I didn't stop him. I just stood there, and I..." Ward insisted. "I hurt you too...I let you die and I can never make that up to you."

"You didn't let me die. You tried. You tried really, really hard, Grant. I know that you did. I know you loved me too. I just was too weak and tired. You protected me for as long as you could. You saved me too and Maynard hurt you worse for that. That wasn't fair. Maynard was too strong for both of us. It's okay though. I'm okay and safe now. He can't hurt me anymore. Don't be sad, okay?"

Ward couldn't stop sobbing as he saw the glow of childlike joy on Tommy's face and even though he was seeing him, hearing him forgiving him, he thought it was all a lovely illusion. He didn't believe in an afterlife, but he did hope that Tommy was resting in peace. This wasn't really Tommy. It was a hallucination his mind, poisoned by the Gravitonium, was creating.

As if reading his mind, Tommy's expression changed to a crinkle of confusion.

"You think this is all pretend, don't you?"

Ward remained silent. He just wanted to revel in the fantasy of being with his little brother again, maybe staying in it as the Gravitonium slowly destroyed him.

"Grant, this is real. I'm real. I'm here because you needed me to be here. Not because you're pretending me here. You're a part of everything like I am. I can't explain it too good, but you know this is real because you can feel it here," Tommy said as he placed his small hand gently onto Ward's chest.

The warmth from Tommy's touch radiated into Ward's heart as it coursed through his veins and arteries pumping a purity of love through him that he had never felt before. It fought against the effects of the Gravitonium in his system. He truly believed Tommy was endowing it to him to heal the scars left by years of guilt at not saving him.

"I know you feel bad about what happened to me, but don't feel bad anymore, okay? I'm safe here. "

Ward let Tommy's forgiveness convince him that his little brother was finally safe, that he didn't need his protection anymore, that Tommy knew Ward had done his best for him when they were both kids.

Ward continued to sob lightly. He had nothing left to construct his walls up again to stop his emotions. Tommy had taken them away so that he could see the truth of Tommy's reality. He rushed in to hold Tommy in a tight embrace, not one from desperation, but from the love that he had blamed himself for denying to his little brother throughout their turbulent childhood, fearing the retribution of expressing it. He felt no such fear in that moment.

"I love you, Tommy."

"I know you do. I love you too, Grant."

Ward kept holding his little brother, forever young and free from evil's touch. The relief was intoxicating.

"You have to go back," Tommy said, suddenly becoming concerned. "They need you."

Ward released him and gazed into his eyes.

"No, I can't. The Gravitonium. I have to stabilize it."

"You already have. You saved everyone," Tommy said with a grin.

Ward let regret slip into him again.

"I didn't save you."

"Yeh, you did, Grant. Just now. You can let me go now and save the world," Tommy said, his voice the sweet sound of a child filled with implicit confidence and forgiveness. Ward could feel his heart almost burst with both pride and love for his little brother, but it was still tempered by nagging doubt.

"I don't know if I can, Tommy," Ward said, "I'm scared to go back."

"Don't be scared. You have great buddies who love you too. Especially Skye. She's hurting bad, Grant. Only you can make her feel better again."

Ward was in shock at Tommy's familiarity with his present and Skye.

"You can feel the danger coming, right?" Tommy said, for the first time, his expression losing its boyish innocence.

Ward nodded, the true fear of going back revealed.

"I don't know if I can defeat him. I don't think I'm strong enough."

"You are, Grant. I know it. Your friends know it. Skye knows it. You're the only one who can. I'm here to tell you that because you need to know I'm safe so you can fight him."

Ward embraced his little brother again only this time with the gentleness and the sorrow that comes from saying goodbye for the last time.

"Go, Grant. Save the world for your friends, for Skye and for me too okay?"

Tommy slipped from Ward's embrace as he faded into the oblivion that was the conscience of the Gravitonium. Although Ward felt the loss deep into his soul, he was also filled with a peace he had never known. He wouldn't let the skepticism override what he had felt from Tommy. He didn't know how he knew, but he now believed it had been real, not a hallucination. Tommy's forgiveness had set him free from his guilt and had given him much needed confidence. Disbelieving it would diminish Tommy's spirit and Ward wouldn't do that.

He had to hope it would be enough to fight likely the greatest enemy he would ever face.

**-0-0-0-**

Dr. Franklin Hill emerged from the Gravitonium disoriented. When he looked around, he saw expectant faces, both familar and unfamiliar. What caught his eye was Skye's tear-stained face. He knew she was Ward's love. He walked up to her and at first, she retracted, her resentment involuntary. She knew it was uncalled for, but she couldn't help it. Hill was alive because Ward took his place. The reaction wasn't lost on Hill.

"You must be Skye," he said, his voice tinged with regret.

Skye couldn't say anything. All she wanted to do was run; run away from him, away from everything that would remind her that Ward was gone and probably dying slowly.

"He told me about you, how much he loves you."

"Please. Don't," she begged, her grief unbearably raw and raggedly stinging.

"He wanted me to tell you that he would always love you. I've never met a man with such courage."

Skye couldn't hold her emotions back anymore and ran out. Jemma followed close behind.

Hill turned to face Coulson.

"He spoke highly of you. He told me to absolve you of what you had done to me, but he didn't have to. I understood. You were protecting your team as well as the world. In the end, you did what I was trying to do without killing anyone else in the process."

Coulson was humbled and appreciated Hall's gesture.

"It wasn't an easy choice," Coulson admitted.

"Choices about saving the world usually are difficult. They should be. I hope you know that I had the best of intentions."

"I do," Coulson said with his expression changing into solemnity "Ward. Was he..."

Coulson couldn't bring himself to accept that Ward was gone and unreachable to them, but he needed to know how Hill left him. He hoped that seeing Hill standing, unharmed would mean that Ward would survive it too.

"He was resolute. I admired his courage."

Coulson nodded. "We all do."

He was willing himself not to use the past tense.

"We hope to find a way to stabilize the Gravitonium and pull him out. If you survived, I know there's a chance he will. Can you help us?"

This time Hill nodded.

Suddenly, they heard a noise from within the Gravitonium. They both turned, along with Fitz. All the men were worried that perhaps Ward's sacrifice had been for naught, that maybe it wouldn't be enough to stop it from exploding. They watched transfixed, feeling helpless to do anything other than just stand there waiting for what would transpire next.

The mass continued to swirl and undulate when Coulson began to notice what looked to him like a hand and arm reaching through as if seeking something to hold on to. It didn't take long for Coulson to react and reached back. He plunged his hand into the metallic goo and though he felt the energy and heat singe the hairs on his arm, the burning sensation was tolerable so he tightened his grip on what he instinctively knew was Ward's hand and arm.

Hill and Fitz saw what he was doing and joined their own hands and arms into the element, grabbing onto the arm and hand trying to break through. As they pulled, more of the figure emerged through and finally, the arm and hand they had in their collective grips broke through. They pulled harder and harder until the suction-like hold of the Gravitorium released and Ward came tumbling out with the momentum.

All four of the men had been splayed onto the floor, breathing hard, but the relief was also palpable. Coulson was the first to get up to check on Ward. Ward turned as his breathing settled. He then sat up along with Hill and Fitz.

Ward gazed at the men who had risked injury to pull him out of the Gravitorium and his gratitude was heartfelt.

"Thanks," Ward said with due humility.

The others just nodded.

"Is the Gravitorium stable?" Hill asked.

"Yes, it is. I don't know how I know, but it's safe now. I...uh...I also connected with the Universe that Garrett talked about and there's a threat coming..."

Coulson felt a cold shiver hit his spine.

"What kind of threat?"

"Another Deathlok," Ward said.

Coulson detected a tone in Ward's declaration that revealed to him there was more to his words than just a simple statement that there was another mechanized man awaiting resurrection.

"What? Mike was -"

"Not Mike," Ward said. "Remember those files at Cybertek when you learned Garrett was the first Deathlok?"

Coulson stiffened.

"Well, there was another version before Mike."

"What version is that, then?" Fitz piped in, his scientific curiosity overriding his innate suspicion and fear.

Ward stalled. It was a discovery shared with him by not only being in the Gravitorium, experiencing and becoming one with a universal conscience, but also from his reunion with his little brother, Tommy. It was the Universe communicating it to Ward from a messenger who could absolve him of his guilt in order to make him stronger to face this particular enemy.

"Ward?" Coulson coaxed him.

"It's my brother."

**TBC. Thanks for reading. Hope you're enjoying the read. More to come.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Defining Moment**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel Agents of SHIELD**

**Chapter 4**

_"What kind of threat?"_

_"Another Deathlok," Ward said._

_"Ward?" Coulson coaxed him. _

_"It's my brother."_

Coulson let Ward's words sink in. Though he had read his file, knew about his past and his family troubles, even being under Garrett's tutelage, which, at the time, only made Ward that much more trustworthy to him, Coulson had never considered that Garrett had taken both Ward brothers under his wing, corrupting each of them.

"Did you know that Garrett had taken Maynard too?" Coulson asked.

"No, I had no idea. I guess Garrett did a great job of keeping us apart. I don't even know if Maynard knows. When Garrett had taken me out of Juvie, all that was on my mind was escaping my family life, not going to jail. He had provided that and I blindly took it. I thought I had left Maynard behind me."

"How did you find this out?" Hill asked.

"From the Gravitonium. Garrett was right about it. In a strange way, I was in-tuned with and connected to the universe. I saw Tommy there and he told me about Maynard."

Coulson was also not a deeply metaphysical man so to hear that Ward had communicated with his dead brother, at first, brought skepticism and doubt over whether Ward was of sound mind in there; that the Gravitorium had manipulated this revelation. Ward detected his dubiousness.

"I know what you're thinking and I don't blame you. I'm not saying I saw the ghost of my dead brother, but I do believe the intel I got from the energy that surged through me. I felt it delve into my conscience; find Tommy there because he is always there reminding me of how much I failed him; used his image to not only tell me that Maynard was coming, but to also help bring me to peace about what had happened to Tommy, that I couldn't hold onto him, to the past that he belonged to, and win this fight, or at the very least to be able to fight Maynard with my full commitment. I came to terms with Tommy and am ready to take on what will be my greatest fear quite honestly."

Coulson listened and believed in Ward's explanation and saw no sign of madness in his words or in his eyes.

"Where is Maynard now?"

"I don't know that yet, but I'm sure that once he comes into range, I'll know it," Ward said with trepidation.

He then realized that Skye was missing.

"Where's Skye?"

"I'm afraid when I relayed your message, it upset her," Hill responded.

"She ran out. Jemma went after her, but I think seeing that you're back and still alive will fix things," Coulson teased.

Ward smiled himself as he walked out to find her.

His weary soul would be uplifted just to see and hold her. It would renew his strength to face what was coming next. He also thought about how he would break it to her that likely the biggest test yet was ahead. He promised himself that he wouldn't keep anything from her or lie to her and he would keep that promise, but it would also mean telling her about the most painful part of his past. He had revealed a snippet of it to her, but she deserved to know who he would be facing and though he had managed to overcome the challenges thus far, he wasn't completely sure that he would come out of his confrontation with Maynard alive.

Maynard had been augmented as Mike Peterson had been and Ward didn't know how extensive his "hardware" would be. As it was, when Mike had shot him with the device that had stopped his heart, it had been unexpected. Only Skye's mercy had saved him. He had to be better prepared with Maynard . There would be no mercy to be had by him and he had to make sure that Skye would be nowhere nearby. Maynard was the epitome of merciless and wouldn't spare him or anyone close to him to follow whatever last orders Garrett had given him.

As he entered the bus, hoping to find her in her room, he heard the sobs coming from the lounge near the bar. It had become an unofficial place for the two of them. She had offered him a peace offering of a drink there where she had expressed her idealism about the world to him and from that moment he had felt his first connection with her. They did see the world differently, but her belief in the power of a collective force to overcome oppression had made an impression on him. It wasn't naive, but truly hopeful. If it hadn't been for his duplicity and betrayal, that faith would never have been tested, still despite it, she had remained steadfast. It only elevated his admiration for her.

Learning from Garrett that she was an 0-8-4 had shocked him at the time and if he were to be honest, it had kicked in his prejudices about them; that they were threats to national security, but seeing her act heroic, more human than anyone he had known in his life had changed his view and then when Quinn had tried to kill her, all he had seen was her vulnerability, her humanity. If she was an 0-8-4, he could no longer judge her as surely Raina's serum had made him one and Skye hadn't hesitated to accept him, to love him just the same. The serum hadn't changed him. She had.

He walked over and spied Jemma holding Skye in her arms, Skye facing away from the entry. Jemma caught him walking towards them and even she couldn't hold back the excitement of seeing him there, alive and well.

Skye felt the change in Jemma's body language and parted from the embrace. She saw Jemma's expression and followed her gaze where hers met with Ward's as he stood in front of them both, smiling back at them.

Jemma stood up, walked towards Ward and spontaneously hugged him. She hadn't properly thanked him for bringing Fitz back and hugging him had brought forth how truly grateful she was for what he had done. Ward, hesitantly at first, gently returned the embrace; a sense of relief and absolution released the tension he had felt with her after his monstrous act towards both her and Fitz. He was happy to have achieved one more step in his resolution to mend the fences he had destroyed. When they parted, Jemma's smile greeted him and as she took a quick glance at Skye then back at him, the smile transformed into a furtive one. She then exited the room.

Skye let her emotions dictate in that instant and just ran into Ward's arms. She found herself unable to stop crying; her feelings overwhelming; going from extreme grief one moment to the equal measure of joy at seeing Grant alive the next. At least this time they were tears of relief and exhilaration. Feeling his warmth against her made her muscles physically release her anxiety immediately. She sighed against him, unable to express in words how joyful she felt, just needing to confirm that he was there in her arms, alive.

Ward wrapped his arms tightly around her petite frame and sighed as well, feeling the same release of tension in his own body but not all of it did. He knew that he had to savor the moment because there wasn't much time to revel in it. When it ended, he would have to tell her everything and hope that she would understand. He already knew he had her acceptance because forgiving what he had put her through had been the hardest hurdle to overcome. He had already revealed his lie to her; that his big brother hadn't just beaten him and his little brother up, but that he had also made Ward beat Tommy up too; to his view, an even worse act. He would now have to explain the darker details about how he had let Tommy drown in the well. He had to brace himself to the fact that knowing that might be too much for Skye to forgive.

They parted and he guided her down onto the couch.

"Not that I'm not happy you're, you know, ALIVE, but what happened?"

Ward smiled at the sarcasm that Skye often fell into when she was scared, nervous or relieved. He found it adorable in its innocence.

"The Gravitorium didn't need me anymore so I thought I'd come back," Ward teased back.

Skye then went in for another hug.

"I thought you were going to die in there, that I'd never see you again. Leave it to you to keep on cheating death and proving to me that you're invincible or some kind of superhero," she said with a grin.

Ward, on the other hand, became serious.

"I'm no superhero. Please don't make that comparison. It diminishes those who really are, like all of you."

"Grant -" she tried to protest.

"We have to talk," he interrupted and felt her stiffen in his embrace.

She let go and looked into his eyes, the nervousness returning and he hated that he was taking her security away.

"No conversation ever ends well when it starts out that way," she said with a shaky, anxious smile. "I should know."

Ward stroked her face and smiled back, hoping both acts would ease her trepidation, at least until he was able to confess his darkest sin to her. It would then be he who would be filled with anxiety as she, once again, would be holding his life in her hands. He was prepared for the worst. He knew that the admission he would be making to her would be shocking and he wouldn't blame her if she couldn't find forgiveness for his last confession to her. She had accepted so much of his dark soul, had already forgiven so much of what she had learned about his past thus far, but everyone had their limits and even he knew that this particular reveal would press her limits for that forgiveness.

He wished that he had more time to enjoy just being with her, to hold her in his arms, to make love to her; not to exploit her so that he could feel better about himself, but to cherish her as she deserved to be cherished. She had already gone through so much in her own past. It had all been unfair and out of her control. He had added to the disappointments in her life and yet she had remained caring and loving, preferring to rise above rather than wallow in self-pity. He knew he could become a better man by just basking in loving her, but he could only hope that his actions now and facing down his sadistic brother would reflect her influence upon him no matter how short the time they had shared together.

"It's not 'that conversation'," he said with a soft smile and they both giggled.

He then took her hands into his, fixed his loving gaze onto hers, hoping she would see that there was no guile there, just honesty.

"In the Gravitorium, I discovered what Garrett was experiencing; a connection to the universe, an intimate knowledge of what was in it and specifically what it held for me. I'm happy to say that it didn't give me the megalomania that it gave him."

"Good thing," Skye said as she softly teased.

"I was really afraid of that; that I would use my fusion with the element to do more terrible things or that it would find the inherent darkness in me and use me as a weapon. Instead, it gave me insight both of my past and of my future."

Skye listened intently to his words, but none of them could quell the foreboding she felt of what he was going to finally reveal to her.

"Remember when I admitted to you that I had lied about my big brother; that he not only hurt me and my little brother, but that he also made me hurt my little brother too? I'm ashamed to say that I wasn't lying about that. It was the hardest thing for me to come clean with you about because I was afraid that you would see me differently, judge me badly. It was selfish as usual. I should have been more concerned about what I was doing with Garrett because I now realize those acts were far more damaging. But I can't blame Garrett for everything evil about me, Skye. He just seized on what was already there, that my brother put there, and that my cowardice allowed to develop," Ward paused to gauge Skye's expression and her initial reaction, but thus far, he only spied apt interest and compassion. It gave him courage to continue.

"While I was in there, I...also connected with my little brother Tommy," Ward paused to take a breath. "I'm not a believer of ghosts, but I do believe what I felt was more than just my own guilt justifying my actions in an altered state. I do believe that in some small way I was connecting to Tommy; his life force that had melded with the universe. The universe was giving me a chance to make right the worst wrong I had ever done in my life. I've done my share of wrong without Garrett's influence, Skye. I asked for Tommy's forgiveness because you see...I killed him."

Ward waited for the recrimination, the shock, the revulsion, but none of them came. Instead, she tightened her grip on his hands and he marveled at the extent of her empathy.

"I figured when you grabbed that staff that it had hit a raw nerve and it wasn't hard to guess that it had something to do with your brother, but I can't believe you would do that to your little brother intentionally. I believed you when you said you had to protect him. I've seen that instinct in you whenever you've placed yourself in danger, like getting shot saving us or leaping from the plane. You aren't faking that. I know it."

Ward felt her compassion and it strengthened him, but he broke his gaze, ashamed that it was misplaced.

"Indifference is just as bad as if I had taken his life with my own hands. I let him drown because my big brother told me that if I did help Tommy, he'd do something worse to me," he said, regret riddled through his voice. "I was his brother. It was my responsibility to protect him."

Skye saw and even felt the sincerity of Ward's regret in his body language. It convinced her that he hadn't been malicious or evil.

"Grant, you were a kid too. Believe me, I get what it feels like when you'd do anything for any crumb of affection or belonging."

Ward looked back up into her eyes and couldn't help but feel that if his life had ended at that moment, he would have been grateful for her crumb of affection and understanding.

"I'm amazed that you could see beyond the complete lack of courage in letting my brother Maynard dictate my actions and in the end, that Garrett dictated. I can't tell you how much knowing that, feeling that from you, gives me so much strength to face what's next."

That's when Skye's reaction changed. Her expression became a mix of suspicion and fear.

"What do you mean?"

"I never knew what happened to Maynard after Garrett recruited me and to be honest, I didn't care. I was away from him, away from the memory of letting Tommy down and that was all I had wanted. Short-sighted as usual," Ward said with a heavy heart. "But I just found out that Garrett had recruited him too and had never told me. I shouldn't be surprised really. In retrospect, it explained the long absences when he would leave me in the wilderness to fend for myself, to teach me to be self-reliant. To be the whole solution."

Ward shook his head at the complete indoctrination that he had let happen. It seemed like a different man doing all those terrible things and sometimes Ward deluded himself into believing it wasn't him.

Skye straightened stiffly.

"Are you telling me that he's -"

"I found out that he's the second Deathlok experiment. Garrett was the first. Mike was the latest."

"And..."

"He's coming for me," Ward said as a slow burn of pain forced him to curl into himself and groan.

Skye was back to feeling scared, her hope once again tested. She soothed Ward through the spasm until it finally passed.

"He's getting closer. I can feel it," he moaned. "It's part of the reason I wanted to be straight with you, so you'd know everything, know the darkness that I know Maynard will exploit and..."

Skye's instincts flared a warning shot as Ward stiffened with a spasm. As it released and he was able to relax, he took in deep breaths to ease his muscles.

"I'm not sure if I'll survive this," he finally said, still breathing heavily.

"No, you survived everything else, you'll survive this."

"I love your optimism, how you see the world, how you see the best of me," Ward said with a smile and while caressing her cheek.

"No, you're survivor. You told me that. You are not going let me down on that. Not that," she insisted as she tried to sound defiant maybe even a little angry, but her voice cracked with tears.

Ward was moved by Skye's declaration, endowing him with so much more credit than he deserved.

"If Maynard is outfitted like Mike is, I don't know if I'll have what it takes to defeat him. I want you to promise me that you and the others will stay clear and if Maynard gets past me, ends me -"

"He won't."

"End him with every weapon you can throw at him," he finished.

"Fitz will give you all you need. We can't have the best scientists on the planet and not have kiss-ass weapons."

"You know I'll try -"

"Do better than try."

Ward lovingly grasped her neck to draw her closer. Their foreheads touched first.

"I don't want to die, Skye. I want you to know that. For every horrific thing I've done, your belief in me saved me."

"Then don't. Live," she said. "Fight. Not for me, but for yourself."

He pulled her in and kissed her, the passion in it blossoming and deepening to steal their collective breaths away. He pulled away reluctantly as Skye tried to hold on.

"I will always fight, Skye, I don't know how to do anything else, but I also have to know that if I fail, none of you will go down with me. I won't make that compromise."

He pulled her into another kiss to affirm his conviction.

"You won't fail," she said confidently, a little breathless again from the kiss.

Ward smiled at her assurance.

"Well, if I'm going to have a chance at all, I'll need weapons. Let's talk to Fitz and Simmons. Maybe they can equip me with some firepower."

They both rose from the couch and walked towards the lab hand in hand. Though Ward was putting on a confident stance for Skye, he knew that this battle would put more than just muscle memory and gun skills to the test. He knew that it would be a battle to the death; both to any emotional baggage that he had carried with him and to either his life or Maynard's. He had to hope that he would be able to destroy Maynard once and for all. The only question that remained was whether he would live to enjoy the victory. The final confrontation between them was one that should have happened a long time ago; a Cain and Abel story that would be played out in front of people he had grown to care about and for whom he would die protecting.

What Ward had failed to reveal to Skye was that while in the Gravitorium he had felt a vague message, if he could call it that, seep into his consciousness. It communicated to him as an ache that went through his body and when it had reached his heart, he felt it stutter a couple of beats as if trying to tell him something. He didn't know what exactly, but the solemn emotion it evoked made him wonder if it was foretelling his fate to him; that his heart would be stopped or that it would save him if he followed it. Perhaps it meant both. He didn't know which it was, but he felt a peace come with the pain and he would embrace death if it meant that the others lived.

**0-0-0**

Ward and Skye had reached the others in Fitz and Simmons's lab and were surprised at seeing Mike Peterson being examined by the scientists. They were working furiously to examine the armor that Mike had been endowed with. He nodded towards them. Skye smiled, happy to see him, understanding immediately why he was there.

"Mike!" She exclaimed as she ran up to hug him.

"Hey, Skye," he said shyly at he then directed his gaze at Ward. "I heard you might need some help."

"Yes, yes, Fitz and I need to understand the biological and mechanical attributes of the weaponry that Mike has been given. Perhaps we can reproduce something similar to aid Ward," Jemma said, her scientific excitement was tempered with uncertainty.

Ward was warmed by the support that was being given him especially after all he had done to hurt them.

"Thanks, Mike," Ward said sincerely.

"You're not the only one seeking redemption."

"Garrett was holding your son hostage," Ward argued, venom in his voice. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry I let that happen."

Mike accepted the offer of contrition to him by nodding.

"It doesn't matter. It was more than just that. I was an easy mark, easy to exploit. I let my need to be a hero in my son's eyes cloud my judgment."

Ward nodded, understanding all too well.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you," Mike said, contrition in his voice.

"Doing what to me, exactly? Funny, I don't remember," Ward said, fixing his look towards Mike sympathetically with feigned ignorance.

Skye smiled as she saw the playful Ward; the man who had exaggerated the influence that the supposed truth serum had over him when Coulson was trying to gain her trust. It was reassuring to see him that way.

Mike wordlessly accepted Ward's forgiveness gratefully. Ward then turned his attention towards all of them.

"I want you all to know that if any of you want to bow out of this, I won't stop you or blame you. I haven't earned your support. I've betrayed it. I know that. And I don't expect you to risk your lives for me, but you do deserve to know the truth and I'd rather you heard it from me not Maynard. After that, you can then decide if it's worth staying to fight."

Coulson knew what Ward was going to reveal and his respect for him only elevated. Ward was embracing his atonement and was letting them know that he didn't expect them to fight with him. He was giving them the freedom to choose.

"You'll hear things about me...my brother Maynard won't pull any punches and will be merciless. That's been his nature since I was a kid. You'll learn things about me that won't be easy to hear. You've seen what I'm capable of with your own eyes so you know the darkness inside of me. I'm not asking you to forgive me and I'm not asking you to excuse my actions because of my past. You shouldn't."

For the first time, Ward's posture revealed vulnerability, no longer hiding behind a facade of super soldier, of being the whole solution. Everyone took sincere and serious note of it and returned expressions of understanding and support towards him.

"One truth I want you to hear directly from me," Ward said.

He took in a deep breath. They all deserved to learn the truth from him, not hear it from a vengeful man who had never possessed an ounce of compassion for Ward. Skye had never felt so proud of Ward, had never felt so much love for one man. She squeezed his hand again with support.

"I...I killed my little brother, Tommy -"

"Grant -" Skye began to protest.

"Skye, indifference is just as heinous as pulling the trigger on a gun."

Ward hung his head in regret and everyone felt it.

"I let Tommy die for nothing more than I was afraid of what Maynard would do to me...maybe even for his approval," Ward admitted with raw honesty. "I wanted you all to know because...because it's important to me that you not hear it from the man who created me; who created the weak-willed follower of yet another psychopath and who killed innocent people for his acceptance. I want you to hear from me that I'm not that little boy anymore. I'm not that man anymore."

Ward then straightened to say one last thing to the people he considered the best of the best and to whom he attributed his change of focus, to his evolving change of character.

"I need you to know that if I fail to stop Maynard or if it becomes a hostage situation, do NOT bargain for my life. Maynard is not to be trusted and he doesn't know the meaning of integrity. It is NOT what I want. Take me out with him. It is the ONLY resolution that can come from that. I need you to promise me that you won't endanger each other to save me. I don't want that. I'm not worth that."

The room went quiet as everyone contemplated what Ward was asking of them, but before they could agree to it or protest it, Ward plunged down to to his knees clearly in sudden severe pain, groaning as he pinched his temples with his thumb and forefinger. Skye joined him, down on her own knees, stroking his back while continuing to hold his hand, feeling him squeeze it even harder, but she felt the restraint he was struggling to maintain so as to not hurt her hand. It gave her an understanding of how intense the pain must have been for him.

"He's here," Ward said.

**TBC - Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it. Big confrontation next. **


End file.
